wumpusfiles (wumpusfiles) wrote,
wumpusfiles
wumpusfiles

Can't sleep...

It's 2:16 in the morning, and I'm no closer to sleep then I was an hour ago. I hate this feeling, it's the one that looms in the dark when the sounds go away, and you're left with nothing but your unfinished thoughts.
There is so much that I don't have control of, that it sits around in my head with nowhere to go. However it's not all bad. It's like when things go out of control in the way that your life isn't the way it usually goes. So much has changed in the last few months. Sometimes I like the idea that my life isn't as cookie cutter, it makes it easier to get out of bed in the morning knowing that I can't predict everything that is going to happen.
I still haven't found my nitch, I don't know what I'm going to do. I like it and hate it all at the same time. It seems that presently I have become useless. I can't counsel, I can't protect anything/anyone, I don't have a creative outlet other than this site. I just don't have a function in the work world. I hate that, but I like that the option is open for whatever. Ya see this is my problem, I don't have a focus and that scares me.
For the first time I looked at some of my work, and threw it across the room. I was so disappointed in it that I got angry. I don't know if it was because it won't go any further, or that I just gave up for a second. I have never done that to anything that I created, and that includes the ideas I knew were shit from the jump.
Well I feel better know that I've ranted a bit over what's on the surface. Maybe now I can sleep a bit easier....Good night folks.
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